Saturday, October 18, 2008

Struggling with Chronic Pain and Depending on God

Hi all,
I am one of the sufferers of Anxiety/Depression The thing is that I dont feel Depressed I feel happy but I am very edgy without it. I find I yell and get angry over the littlest things. I am going to start blogging my walk with God out of this Black hole. I take Cymbalta daily to keep things in line. Without it I am a blithering mess, One thing that they put my on the Cymbalta for was also nerve pain that I endure after my back surgery. The surgery worked to stabalize a rapidly sliding vertabrae however they say I will endure pain for the Rest of my life.
Ok, So my recent triumphs then tribulation and now I come to the point of realizing what God is helping me with.
6 Weeks ago we moved, I love our house we are renting as you saw on other posts, I love homeschooling and taking good care of my wonderful Hubby. the last 3 weeks something changed. I started trying to get off all my medication 4 weeks ago and was doing really well. however now, I am going back up on the Cymbalta for a temporary time till I level off again as I was energetic, house was clean and things were done now I can barely drag myself around to do it all. I was also down to only 1 or 2 pain pills per day and this is a big improvement from the 6 I was having to take when we moved. I had experienced a new symptom right before we got ready to move which was a huge increase in nerve pain down my leg and hip area. It was excrutiatingly painful. They gave me nerve medication and increased my other meds to help me cope with this and kids....
Well when we got moved I found a new church home with some most wonderful People! They have rallied around me, prayed for me in small group time and I have recieved wonderful prayer from our pastors wife after service. Things started looking up the pain down my leg is Gone! God has healed that! Isnt he wonderful! however almost all my pain was gone and so was my bad attitude, I started weaning off all the meds slowly of corse but nevertheless...I also started slipping in my dedicated bible study and my fellowship in my small group as Life took over. I blog this all as I was reading my bible this morning and I had been feeling I needed to get back on track and really dig back in as I have fallen off the band wagon so to speak. I missed the last 3 weekly womens group at church also I missed church on Sunday. I also have only read my Bible or like 5-10 min a day instead of my normal hour in the early morning. this morning I was working on a wonderful study on revelation when they discussed 1-3 John. I paused it to go back and read those again. Low and Behold..what jumped out at me-
1John 1:4-7
"4 And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.
5 this then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light and in him is no darkness at all.
6If we say we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth"
7 but if we walk in the light, as he is the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.

I am constantly amazed at how when I go to my bible needing something...He gives it to me! I needed to be reminded to walk in his light! I feel overjoyed right now. I have let my faith take a back burner to life and I need to bring it back to the top of the LIST! When the pain and crankiness were going away I was Walking with the Lord every Morning, periodically throughout the day I was fellowshipping with my group on Tuesday nights and on Sunday worshipping the Lord with everyone! the last 3 weeks I have been only with my family, (dont get me wrong I love them very much and have enjoyed spending time with them only I enjoyed my time more before I backslid down hill and they enjoyed me more) Also since hubby is not a follower yet it is hard to stay centered on God if I dont focus myself) I have not walked in his word every morning to start my day off and have seen the results! I dont like them where I have arrived at without Him. I am going to do my best to change that from this day on.
Stick with me as the revelation continues. I know from what He did for me a month ago this was a reminder and things are going to get better from this day forward if I obey His word which is to put Him first and all things will be ok! Praise Jesus for his holiness that He never gives up on us no matter how many times we fall He will never leave us if we search for Him!

God Bless you all I am off to have a great day with my family and God!


trish said...

I am so glad you shared this. I too struggle with depression and take meds. I am so much more able to stay on track if I stay on the meds and keep in touch with my Dr from time to time. There is no shame in taking medication. I would take what I needed for cancer or diabetes, high blood pressure or what have you and depression is no different. I am also struggling with keeping a steady devotion time and with being consistent with our homeschooling day. I will check in with you again. You have been a source of encouragement. I will pray for you. God bless, trish

One Christian Mom said...

I am so happy that you made this revelation. I pray that you are able to keep on your walk of faith daily!

One Christian Mom said...

Hey - get back here! I know life is busy, but we miss you :-)

By the way, I tagged you over at my blog. I responded to a post called "7 things about me" and I tagged you with it, too. I cant wait to see 7 things about you.
Shellie :-)