Listen and Obeying 2 different things??

For the past few weeks I have been struggling with pain, partially making me depressed and several other outside things that I have let affect my heart, mind, soul and daily walk. Have you been there friends? When you just dont open your bible, when you dont want to get up early for your quiet time, when you just feel lost to a point? Some of you may be able to answer no to this question but I would guess that as mothers, wives, homemakers and women we have all been there at least for 1 day somewhere along our walk with Christ. Now I am not going to claim it is over and done for me however GOD shows up when we listen and obey it is such a blessing I dont want you to miss it! Last night I had much on my mind, toooooo much. But I didnt go to my comforter on my own ( I am a bit stubborn sometimes just ask wonderful hubby lol) however God kept calling to me and at first I was actually sure that it was my own mind making up the scripture chapt and verse I kept dwelling on, I was positive I was making it up and "if" i did get my rear out of bed and check on it in the Good Book I would find that it was just my mind as I was "sure" it wouldnt apply to my current situation since God had been so "Silent" lately right! LOL well finally I couldnt take it anymore and I submitted and said Ok God this is it I am getting up but I still think its all in my head your not really going to give me this at 2 am right ?? Doubt is the enemies first line of Defense then fear and yada yada how often do I let him into my mind (too often but am growing) thats the point of this blog right I want to be an encouragement and its about sharing my "learning to Live FOR God Day by Day!" amazing when we listen what happens, so I got upthat I got up, went to my bible and it says in Romans 6:19 oops wait first the one I have memorized due to my little ones AWANA scripture (Thank you Jesus) I was repeatedly focusing on Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God" I was like ok God what is your point I know that and Know my need for Jesus but I am feeling Lost right now what next then came romans 6:19 " I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness." WOW I can not explain what that meant to me at the moment at 2 am I was immediately released back to sleeping soundly the rest of the night however going back over it I was blessed by this. In human ters I am weak to my Flesh! I used to be slave to my evil desires and temptations now I strive for righteousness however loose my way sometimes God was calling me back to him saying Focus on striving for righteousness let go of temptation to be emotional in the present situation or angry or distressed "Be still and know I am God" I shared with my husband which if you have been a reader you know that my hubby is not yet saved however he joins me at service most weekends and is attending our small group with our Pastor as the leader. God is using this group to grow me so much! sometimes Growth is painful however I know that the choice to press in to Him and Press on for the righteousness he desires will overcome all in the end. Hubby was willing to share with me this morning and I asked what he thought and instead of the previous dismissal of night time scripture gifts to me (only happened 2 other times) he used to look at me like I was weird (oh I am weird but thats ok with me) however today he had insight that hit home for me and discussed it with me Praise God he is working in ways that I have no idea about. How often do we want God on our terms God if you would only do this for me and so on...its so hard to turn this around and say "ok God what is it that will be a blessing in the end if **I** would only do this for** YOU**"? I dont know where I am heading however I want to be a slave to the righteousness that leads to holiness not the other way around. Thank you Jesus for having mercy and compassion for this sinner and Knowing how to reach me in my darker moments. Lord you are so wonderful! Thank you for sharing in my journey I will blog more soon I just had to share and I hope that you will join me in becoming SLAVES to something so awesome it will blow our minds I am sure if we will just remain focused on our ultimate goal! God Bless and enjoy your day!